Believe it or not this is an old song of mine I wrote back when I was in college. I was listening to the song, "Little Heaven," by Toad the Wet Sprocket (my favorite band) and was inspired to write a song in a similar groove. So I pulled out my guitar, put some chords together and, in a stream-of-conscience style of writing, sang whatever came to mind and this is the result. This song sort of got shelved for a long time, but anyone who listened to it really liked it. So when it came time to pick out some songs for this new project, we decided to see what we could do with an old song. It turned out to be better than I could have ever imagined it. We created a beautiful soundscape with a nylon guitar, synths, drum programming, and a cello part that brought something hauntingly beautiful to it.
When I wrote this song I wasn't really sure what it was about. There are obvious themes of leaving the past behind and moving into something new. But the younger version of me hadn't really experienced all this song is getting at.
As I've stepped back into this song I think there is a desire for something unique here. There is a definitely a desire to move ahead in life, but not until the right time. The first two lines of the second verse capture this well: Take what I've seen and felt and throw it all away // But not 'til the fire has gone and not 'til I find myself. There's an obvious desire to want to move on and be done, but there's an understanding that the discontent right now might be doing something important in preparing for that next phase of life.
I feel all of this so intensely right now. I am so ready to be done with the season of life I'm in. These past two years have been the worst as my wife has been dealing with horrendous health issues that have made our lives unbearable at times. I'm ready to take what I've seen and felt this year and throw it all away. At the same time, there is something profound happening in our lives in the midst of this. We're changing, dealing with the junk in our lives that has been picking at us and weighing us down. It's a process of refinement and redemption and, if I'm honest, I don't want this season to fully end until it has done it's work. I want to be free and I want to be whole. So I wait to be led out of the old into the new. I'm sure it'll happen at just the right time.
I hope you enjoy this song and don't move too quickly out of the old into the new. Let it do its work. It'll will happen for you at just the right time too.